Synchron Now

Day 48 of #100Daychallenge

As I was walking home today, I was chatting with a friend, on Facebook, about his journey with druidry. When I got into the house and there was an envelope waiting for me. I recognised the handwriting. It was from my friend in Scotland. She writes to me every month and I dearly love the letters. My friend on Facebook was saying to me that he wanted to have a ceremony in the sea, immersed in water, but he didn’t know if the time was right.

I opened the letter and this was the front of the card.

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Our brains form patterns, look for meaning, and find it. Moments of synchronicity, or ‘synchrons’ as my flatmate calls them, become very normal once you start to live your life looking for connections. I choose to do that. I choose to imbue my world and live with meaning. To me, synchronicities seem to act almost like a nod from the Cosmos saying ‘go here’, ‘say this’, or ‘keep going’. And they always make me smile.

Somebody should really shut me up sometimes.

Day 42 of #100Daychallenge

Onair

I had an in-person chat with a friend tonight for a few hours and I dominated almost the entire conversation. I didn’t mean to. The conversation kept flowing back to my favourite topics – my experiences and observations of druidy and 5rhythms. I tried to swing the conversation back onto his experience and observations of life but I would again find a new connection to the point I just made and add that in. I don’t think he was bored. He seemed engaged. I tried to read the feedback. His eyes never glazed over. That’s always a good sign.

Part of me wondered if I was close to the edge of being the person who always dominates the conversation but it was just this one time. We’re all allowed to dominate from time to time. It’s when it becomes the norm that there’s a problem. No, it’s when you become oblivious to the other person and loose the connection, that’s when there’s a problem. The problem is not taking up air time. The problem would be not noticing or caring if the other person is enjoying themselves, not listening to what they have to contribute. I don’t think I did that tonight.

Special Places

Day 24 of #100Daychallenge

  

Today, my friend took me to two of his Special Places. One was in the outer world, and the other in the world of imagination. 

The first place we visited was an island in Strangford Lough. It’s a liminal place, connected to the mainland by a causeway that is covered during high tide. We walked and talked. We found pieces of stone that had been shaped into tools by our ancient ancestors. 

My friend and I are in the same Druid order. Part of the teaching of that order involves a meditation to visit an inner sanctum in the shape of a sacred grove of trees. Each inner grove is unique to the student. Today, I asked my friend to describe his to me, so that I could see it in my own imagination. It was a very beautiful and intimate experience. 

If your friend invites you to visit their Special Place with them, you are very honoured. 

Choosing Friendship (or not)

Day 10 of #100Daychallenge

circles_36549_lgOn a night out recently, a friend said to me that he thought I made friends easily with people. I replied, that I thought that was true but not for obvious reasons. I think I just do it a bit more intentionally than some. I said I think I decide very early on after meeting someone if they interest me or not. If there’s a sense of connection, a resonance, I will pursue their friendship. I will invest in relationship with them. But if there isn’t, I won’t. I continued the conversation with my flatmate who said she’d been struck in the past about how I’d described meeting people and naming that I had no desire to know them.
I think this is fairly normal but, in my own introverted way, I think it’s that I don’t want to spend time with people I don’t actually like and enjoy. Choosing to engage socially with someone is actually quite a big deal for me. It might seem sometimes that I have a lot of friends but I’ve chosen them. I date them to see if we have potential. I know pretty early on in meeting if I enjoy someone or not. Usually the feeling is that I feel safe with them and I feel I can learn something from conversation with them.
I have a small inner sanctum of friends I would tell anything to. These are the people I feel completely safe with. I never doubt that they want to spend time with me. Outside this is a wide circle of people I like and enjoy but I am perhaps more cautious with. I don’t want some of them to get too close. Some of them I don’t fully trust that they love me. I don’t mind this about myself. It’s the way I work. It’s just noticing.

[In looking for an image for this post, I discovered there’s a whole host of sites and books on circles of friendship. I’ve downloaded a few kindle samples and instapapered some articles.]

Kahlil Gibran: ‘On Friendship’

‘On Friendship’ by Kahlil Gibran

Your friend is your needs answered.
He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.
And he is your board and your fireside.
For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.

When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the “nay” in your own mind, nor do you withhold the “ay.”
And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;
For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.
And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.

And let your best be for your friend.
If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.
For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.
For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.
And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

 

 

Is it in the diary?

Today, a friend of ours called to the house unannounced. This is normal for him and pretty normal for any friend who happens to be in the area.  If I was in the house alone, I probably wouldn’t have answered the door.  I will often not answer a phone call if I’m not expecting one.

 

I wrote before about how I hate being stood up and how important my diary is to me.  The flip-side of that argument is also true. I’m not great with impromptu meetings.  I adore meeting friends for cups of tea and chats. However, I generally schedule them at least a half a week in advance. The friends who text, or (heaven forbid) phone, looking to meet up now will usually get a ‘no’.  

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My partner asked me today how I felt when people telephoned or dropped by.  If I’m honest, I feel resentful.  I love my friends but I generally know what I’m doing for the next few hours. Always. If someone drops by, it completely throws my day. 

 

I rarely enjoy long phone calls.  I love texting and I do love hearing a loved one’s voice. Recently I have learned that a Skype chat with a friend, over a cup of tea, is far more enjoyable than a telephone call. This is especially true for friends who don’t live in the same city as me. There are natural pauses in the conversation over Skype. I can see you thinking. There are more cues than just the tone of someone’s voices. Silences aren’t awkward.  I have several of these booked in my diary and, of course, they’re usually at least a week in advance.

 

Friendships are relationships too and ‘friend dates’ are important. I know my way of thinking isn’t to everyone’s taste.  I know that some of my friends will never think to book a coffee date in advance. And for those friends, the onus is on me to schedule them in and spend time with a friend.