The Dark Mystery

My attention slipped on completing this 10 day task on time, and that’s okay. Today is St Stephen’s Day, the day after Christmas Day. In Ireland it is traditionally a day for venturing back into the world after the stillness of Christmas Day. It is also the day when it seems brighter. I came home to visit my family for Christmas. Today we went for a walk in the sunshine at a country park nearby.

This morning, I listened to Janelle’s 10 minute guided meditation with my eye mask on.  She asked that I explore my body, with touch and then by sensing the position of my internal organs, my insides.  So much of what goes on under the skin is a mystery, and magical. My pre-conscious brain keeps everything in check.  There’s a whole world of activity inside me.  I could spend a lifetime in awe of this body, this home.

I have been curious about embodiment the for a long time. In particular, I have been fascinated by the common experience of its subjective experience.  No one else knows what it feels like to be this body. And yet, everyone I meet is having the same experience of being embodied. When I am with a lover, I cannot experience his feelings or his sensations, and yet I have my experience of his body. What an amazing paradox.  What mystery.

When I place my fingers on my neck, I feel my pulse.  I can feel the effect of my heartbeat, and yet I have no direct sensory awareness of my heart or control of its rhythm.

Years ago, when I first became interested in dreaming and lucid dreams, I would take a moment in my day to marvel at how realistic my waking dream was. I noticed how realistic and fully alive my experience of being alive was: how vivid the colours I saw; how vibrant the sounds I heard; how intense the feelings in my body.

Celebrities have been dying this year, and I am reminded that one day I will die. I don’t know that I will be  able to experience an after life.  If I do, I imagine that I will miss the experience of having been embodied. I hope I experience the fullness of this body before I die. I want to truly live it, and love it.  And I hope you can do that too.  Love the skin you’re in.

This post is day nine of my personal responses to ‘Honouring the Darkness’, a ten day reflective period leading up to the winter solstice, facilitated by daily emails from Janelle Hardy at http://www.janellehardy.com/hearthome/

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