My attention slipped on completing this 10 day task on time, and that’s okay. Today is St Stephen’s Day, the day after Christmas Day. In Ireland it is traditionally a day for venturing back into the world after the stillness of Christmas Day. It is also the day when it seems brighter. I came home to visit my family for Christmas. Today we went for a walk in the sunshine at a country park nearby.
This morning, I listened to Janelle’s 10 minute guided meditation with my eye mask on. She asked that I explore my body, with touch and then by sensing the position of my internal organs, my insides. So much of what goes on under the skin is a mystery, and magical. My pre-conscious brain keeps everything in check. There’s a whole world of activity inside me. I could spend a lifetime in awe of this body, this home.
I have been curious about embodiment the for a long time. In particular, I have been fascinated by the common experience of its subjective experience. No one else knows what it feels like to be this body. And yet, everyone I meet is having the same experience of being embodied. When I am with a lover, I cannot experience his feelings or his sensations, and yet I have my experience of his body. What an amazing paradox. What mystery.
When I place my fingers on my neck, I feel my pulse. I can feel the effect of my heartbeat, and yet I have no direct sensory awareness of my heart or control of its rhythm.
Years ago, when I first became interested in dreaming and lucid dreams, I would take a moment in my day to marvel at how realistic my waking dream was. I noticed how realistic and fully alive my experience of being alive was: how vivid the colours I saw; how vibrant the sounds I heard; how intense the feelings in my body.
Celebrities have been dying this year, and I am reminded that one day I will die. I don’t know that I will be able to experience an after life. If I do, I imagine that I will miss the experience of having been embodied. I hope I experience the fullness of this body before I die. I want to truly live it, and love it. And I hope you can do that too. Love the skin you’re in.
This post is day nine of my personal responses to ‘Honouring the Darkness’, a ten day reflective period leading up to the winter solstice, facilitated by daily emails from Janelle Hardy at http://www.janellehardy.com/hearthome/