Dear Men

Dear Men,

Some of you are pretty damn sexy, and interesting, even exciting. I’d like to meet you. I’ve had various relationships with you over my life, of varying terms and degrees of intimacy, and I’ve learned a few things about what I like, and dislike. 

Sober is sexy. I said it. I know most of you like a few drinks/smokes/lines/pills to help you have a good night, but really it’s usually more a problem than a help. Well, to me anyway. It’s very hard to connect if we’re on different chemical trips. Really, check out serotonin and oxytocin, your body makes them all by itself. They’re the best drugs out there and you don’t even have to buy them. Just do what feels good. Invite me along, we can do feels good things together, which feels good too!

Be forward, even a little bit cocky. Confidence is sexy. If you fancy me, tell me. If you’d like to kiss me, tell me. And vice versa, I’l tell you too. And if you’re not interested, say that too! I’ve spent too much life holding back, not saying for fear of rejection. Likewise, I’ve spent too much time waiting for the other guy to be interested in me. If he’s not interested, he’s not interested. It might sound cheesy but a look straight in the eye and a wink is fucking sexy.

Enjoy being gay/bi. Really, I mean do. Love it. Just be you, and part of that you is being gay/bi. Enjoy it. Get comfortable with it. I’ll probably want to hold your hand in public. You need to be okay with that.

Get emotionally literate. If you’re feeling something, learn to recognise what it is and share it. Listen to your heart, and your gut. If you feel frightened, happy, angry, joyful, still, tell me. I like knowing what’s going on inside your heart. I won’t pretend to know. I’ll do my best to share my feelings. In fact, I’m going to trust my gut feelings even more than ever. Sometimes my gut or my heart is the only part of me that knows “something” doesn’t feel good. They’re usually right. I will listen more to mine. You listen to yours.

All intimacy is negotiable. Physical intimacy does not have to sexual. And sexual intimacy is not a set course meal. Know what you want, ask for it. Be willing to hear and accept a “not right now”, and an “oh god, yes please!”.

The best ways to make feel good are to tell me you find me attractive, that you enjoy my company, that you want to spend time with me. It’s not a given. And I love hearing it. Text me, snapchat me, call me, send me a postcard. To me, words, written and spoken, are deeply connecting. And also, choose to spend time with me. FaceTime me. Invite me to your favourite cafe. I love time alone but if we’re connecting well, time with you is deeply soul nourishing. I want our relationship, however we want to define it, to be nourishing. My gut will tell me if it’s not!

Have a life. Have your own passions. Your life is precious. Live it. I’m going to judge you here: a life spent watching television is not a life lived well. Have adventures. This moment, this life is short. Live the fuck out if it.

Oh, and if I catch your eye, say hi!



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