Get Some Headphones 

Day 30 of #100Daychallenge

  I remember reading once about someone who was poly and who only ever dated people who already had primary partners. That way they never had someone who expected to have access to them at all times. A friend would never expect that. Well, a sane friend with good boundaries would never expect that. 

You need space and time to just be yourself. Too often, when sharing space with other people, we shape ourselves in response to the environment of the relationship. We forget to relate to ME. I reclaim ME by walking, or by reading. Sometimes other people don’t realise and they come and try to talk. “Are you okay”, they say? “What’s wrong?” I recommend headphones. You don’t need anything playing in them, although there’s plenty of relaxing music I can recommend, if you like. Headphones tell other people to go away. And sometimes that’s the one thing we don’t know how to say in words. 

If I ever live with a partner again, I’m going to be very clear about having our own personal spaces. It’s okay to tell your partner and everyone else that you want to be left alone. Everyone needs solitude sometimes. Some of us need it more than others. Especially after the few weeks you’ve had, you surely need a few evenings, even whole days of just being You Alone. 


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