Day 26 of #100Daychallenge
I’ve been interested in non-monogamy for quite some time. Between Dan Savage podcasts and my reading of books like ‘Ethical Slut’, I realised last year that a closed, life long, monogamous relationship is not what I want. Polyamory, or another word meaning the freedom to love abundantly and with integrity, is. This year, after a heck of a lot of therapy, I gave myself permission to explore and to feel. This summer, I had some sexual adventures when on holiday. By most gay standards my adventures were pretty tame. I gave myself permission to be tame too.
What I discovered was that sex without intimacy is pretty boring. Sex without a sense of connection is pretty forgettable. But what is really exciting is connection, confidence, curiosity, and intimacy. In the past I’ve not had the self awareness to name this. This is new for me.
Now, I find myself in a position where I need and want to communicate to others what my ‘relationship status’ is. I am in relationship. I have a significant lover. I have flirtatious friendships. I have an FWB or two. All of these are relationships. When I finished therapy I joked that I should change my Facebook relationship status to ‘in a relationship with myself’. I was only half joking.
Then I wondered what is it I’m trying to communicate. I guess it’s this. I have love in my life. I have happiness. Just because you’re my friend doesn’t mean I’m not also a bit in love with you. Life is an adventure. There is no standard roadmap for relationships. No one will be my “one and only”. I reserve the right to say yes and to say no. If there’s a sense of connection and a mutual attraction, I’m open to deepening my relationship with you.