Day 10 of #100Daychallenge
On a night out recently, a friend said to me that he thought I made friends easily with people. I replied, that I thought that was true but not for obvious reasons. I think I just do it a bit more intentionally than some. I said I think I decide very early on after meeting someone if they interest me or not. If there’s a sense of connection, a resonance, I will pursue their friendship. I will invest in relationship with them. But if there isn’t, I won’t. I continued the conversation with my flatmate who said she’d been struck in the past about how I’d described meeting people and naming that I had no desire to know them.
I think this is fairly normal but, in my own introverted way, I think it’s that I don’t want to spend time with people I don’t actually like and enjoy. Choosing to engage socially with someone is actually quite a big deal for me. It might seem sometimes that I have a lot of friends but I’ve chosen them. I date them to see if we have potential. I know pretty early on in meeting if I enjoy someone or not. Usually the feeling is that I feel safe with them and I feel I can learn something from conversation with them.
I have a small inner sanctum of friends I would tell anything to. These are the people I feel completely safe with. I never doubt that they want to spend time with me. Outside this is a wide circle of people I like and enjoy but I am perhaps more cautious with. I don’t want some of them to get too close. Some of them I don’t fully trust that they love me. I don’t mind this about myself. It’s the way I work. It’s just noticing.
[In looking for an image for this post, I discovered there’s a whole host of sites and books on circles of friendship. I’ve downloaded a few kindle samples and instapapered some articles.]