I wanna hold your hand

hands

 

I rarely hold my partner’s hand in public.  If I do, it’s somewhere quiet or somewhere I know everyone.  Lately, he’s been taking my hand in public places. He’s been linking my arm on the high street. And I have been freezing up.  In the fearful receses of my mind, holding hands with my partner is like waving a big sign saying ‘Gay’ and waiting for the school bully to come find me.

Last week I shared a link to the video of Panti talking about internalised homophobia. Now, she didn’t use that language, but that was what she was talking about.  I know it’s highly unlikely that someone would say anything about our handholding but people would notice.  I would notice. I notice when I see men holding hands in public. I see it very rarely.

Realistically, the only person who has a problem with this PDA is me.  I want to change that.  I don’t want to be the “self-hating fag”, not even a little bit.

It is time for growth and time for love.

Have a look at this video from BeLonGTo.  I cry every time I watch it.

 

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2 thoughts on “I wanna hold your hand

  1. Hey friend, I recall a couple we knew who decided upon actively doing PDA’s, including in their friends houses, mid conversation!!! The self hating fag is a bit harsh as a judgement, often it is more a self preservation mode; not wanting to be verbally abused or worse in public. We too are careful when we hold hands etc, but less so than before, the more that accept Panti’s challenge the better obviously. Loved the video, simple and yet to the point. We each need to stand up and be counted and that means expressing our love in just the same manner others do, and perhaps that unease isn’t fear as much now as the knowledge of the past, the public unfamiliarity of the action and our natural self preserving paranoia.xxx

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