I rarely hold my partner’s hand in public. If I do, it’s somewhere quiet or somewhere I know everyone. Lately, he’s been taking my hand in public places. He’s been linking my arm on the high street. And I have been freezing up. In the fearful receses of my mind, holding hands with my partner is like waving a big sign saying ‘Gay’ and waiting for the school bully to come find me.
Last week I shared a link to the video of Panti talking about internalised homophobia. Now, she didn’t use that language, but that was what she was talking about. I know it’s highly unlikely that someone would say anything about our handholding but people would notice. I would notice. I notice when I see men holding hands in public. I see it very rarely.
Realistically, the only person who has a problem with this PDA is me. I want to change that. I don’t want to be the “self-hating fag”, not even a little bit.
It is time for growth and time for love.
Have a look at this video from BeLonGTo. I cry every time I watch it.