I came out as gay shortly after university. I knew I was gay all through uni but I was afraid to name it. I couldn’t cross that doorway into life. I waited until I had no choice, until my heart was ready to burst and my voice ached to speak the truth.
I don’t live with any regrets. I have lived the life I have so far and I did what I could when I could. However, if I were to advise anyone in the same position I would say come out and be out for your time at Uni. There is so much to be enjoyed during that time that I didn’t explore to its fullest. I socialised with a small circle of friends. I explored my intellect but not my heart.
I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to be part of the LGBT Society. I wonder what it would have been like to date and to enjoy being me. Who would I be now if that was the path I had taken?
When I came out, college had finished and I had nothing to hide behind. There were no final exams and no dissertations to distract me, to divert my attention. I was alone with myself. I told a friend or two but my connection to my college friends was gone. I followed my own path, following this new freedom. I wonder sometimes if I could have kept those friendships. If I had come out during uni, would the thread of friendship have continued beyond?
I’ll never know. And I don’t want to know.
My path has led me here.